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Star Wars is Dead

Disney, what the fuck have you done?

Spoiler Alert. If you haven’t seen The Last Jedi, this will kill it for you.

The recent instalment was a rollercoaster of emotion. From buying mechandise on my way in to throwing it in the bin in disgust on my exit. What we were served up wasn’t mediocre, it was a horror show. The movie franchise that I have grown to adore through my life was rattled and then eliminated within the 2.5 hours of the duration of the film. The film has no substance whatsoever. Ok, it was entertaining and I got to see some great action scenes but in between these scenes was a bunch of aimless irrelevant garbage.

These are the main points of my distaste

Naked Gun

The humour was not needed. At what point did The Last Jedi become a forum to turn the franchise into a spoof movie. The jokes were ridiculous. If we wanted to watch a star wars spoof we would have watched Space Balls. Please don’t turn this franchise into Space Balls. Too late, you already have.

Luke Skywalker is still a bitch

The thing I was most excited about with the new Star Wars film was the fact that we were going to get an old/mature/wise/badass Luke Skywalker. No, we didnt’ get that, we got an older and more pathetic version of the Luke Skywalker bitch from the earlier movies. Disney, you made him a bitch, gave him some cheap tricks and then killed him off. No thanks. Ok they may give him another cheap trick and revive him for the third but really? Did it have to come to that?

The Spearmint Milk Scene

Probably the best scene from the film was Luke drinking spearmint milk straight from E.Ts teet. I was shocked at the time and I still am a little but I have come to embrace it as there aren’t many other bits to embrace.

Leia

Don’t let Leia swim through space. No jedi has ever floated through space. Don’t start with Leia, a character who will need to be killed off due to the late Carrie Fisher passing away (Rest in Peace). I really don’t see any point in enhancing a characters abilities who is going to be killed off. There is simply no point. So she lives for the third instalment? She is going to be in the third purely as CGI? Why?

Lord Irrelevant Snoke

So he gets built up in The Force Awakens as a mysterious nemesis. Only to be made irrelevant halfway through the second film by being sliced in half with another cheap trick. So Kylo Ren is now the main bad guy now? The emo kid who doesn’t know who he is? No thanks

New Circumstantial Hologram Jedi Powers

Throughout the film there seems to be new powers for the Jedi through circumstance. Luke’s new hologram powers. Create a hologram of yourself, hang with your sister for a bit, revive R2D2 for a token cameo and then have a token pointless fight. Then kill him off. There is no need for new powers. Again, new powers then death. Why?

Let’s have a movie with no bad guys

So there aren’t any bad guys anymore. You make them a joke and then kill the only evil being in the film. So is everyone friends now? So its not a “War”. A rebrand of to Star Friends perhaps?

Wow, what a couple of days. I feel cheated. There are 12 months until the next film. I simply don’t care anymore. Disney, what the fuck have you done.

 

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